While being abroad here in Jordan, I have had the opportunity to meet people for all over the world and from different walks of life, all of whom have helped me challenge myself, my perspective of the world, and moreover I have just learned a great deal.
Here are some thoughts that I have collected centering relationships;
On the use of the word habibi...Habibi (حَبيبي) for men and habibti for women, literally means my love in Arabic, but is used loosely as darling and friend. Like many words in Arabic the male form is most often used, for both me and women informally.
People also tend to use habibi as well when they are talking to someone but don't know there name. Or when they are trying to get someones help with something.
If you hear any Arabic song, chances are it includes the word habibi at least 10 times hahah. NO JOKE! This is a must use word for anyone traveling to an Arabic speaking country.
On relationships with friends...I have never really had a problem making close friends. It's easy for me to relate to others and open up. But one of the hardest parts of being in Jordan has been losing those great friends, most of whom have been fellow interns.
Being an intern in a foreign country means that you will only be in that location for a short period of time. Furthermore, it's not like we all came on the same program, landing in Jordan at the same time and taking off simultaneously. Rather, some were here when I came and many have come after my arrival.
That being said, life here is never stagnant. It's constantly a revolving door, of people entering my life and leaving. Of course there is always a silver lining. This has allowed me to meet and bond with many individuals, but it does make it hard to feel at home when life is always changing.
On PDA (Public Displays of Affection)....It is quite rare to see men and women interacting romantically in Jordan. At least, Jordanian men and women, since foreigner tourists and expats are in abundance, and they don't always abide by cultural and societal norms, such as this.
Sometimes you will see a man holding his wife's hand. Or a couple hiding out in the bushes -- usually at an arms length distance from each other -- chatting. But, that's about it. Definitely, no hugging and kissing. And when sexual activity does take place, it's always in the privacy of ones home and usually between a married couple.
On relationships between men and women in Jordan...Many people my age utilize the college environment, mainly for its absence of parents and family members, as an opportunity converse and meet with the opposite sex. It is normal to see a man and woman interact behind the secure walls of the university, but rare on the streets or in public locations. (F.Y.I. this is coming from the perspective or Irbid, because in Amman life in general is much more westernized and less conservative.)
So naturally many people do "date" but not in the same terms that I am used to. Usually when two people do have a relationship it is a secret. The woman's family, in particular, definitely do not know. Most of the actual interaction takes place on the internet, via Yahoo chat, and on the telephone. There is little face-to-face communication. When it does happen, it tends to be very brief or in small groups, at a cafe over agila and coffee.
Two of my Jordanian friends have told me about previous relationships, in which they were in love with their boyfriends. Both relationships lasted over a year, until their brothers found out. After threat (from the brother) of seriously harming the boyfriend, or ratting the sister out to the parents, both of my friends were forced to break the relationship with their habibi.
I recently had a conversation with one of my girlfriends from the college where I work. We were discussing relationships and difficulties that women and men face here in Jordan due to the societal restraints around dating, sex, and marriage.
Her best friend, is a man, and also Christian, while she is Muslim. It is acceptable for them to be friends, although she does deal with negative gossip from peers regarding their friendship. But, sadly although they love each other and honestly seem perfect for each other, they both know their families, religions, and society permit them from being together. They are trying to be realistic and have accepted defeat, but it's heartbreaking.
On relationships between men and men in Jordan...It is very interesting to watch how men interact with one another here. I often see lots of male-on-male touching. Such as, men holding hands, hugging, play fighting, and kissing on the cheek. They are not acting in a homosexual way, just friendly. But, sometimes I forget where I am and do a double take when I see such things. Similarly, women behave with other women in a very touchy manner, more so than what I am used to. Again holding hands, linking arms, and kissing on the cheek.
I'm sure the behaviors between the sexes seem less foreign for Europeans, who also commonly greet one another with kisses, but from an American standpoint it does seem very foreign. That being said, I enjoy it. And don't be surprised if I try to kiss you, while greeting, once I am back in the US.
When coming to Jordan, or any middle eastern country one does not expect (or at least I did not expect) to encounter so many gay people. Of course there are homosexuals everywhere, but to have so many gay friends, more Jordanian than foreigner in fact, was a pleasant surprise. Oddly, I have not met any women that I know to be lesbian, only men who are gay.
Not that sexual orientation matters all that much to me, by all means do what feels right for you, but it is very interesting to observe their interactions in a completely different cultural setting. Its quite similar to home actually. The major differences being: that it has to be kept under the table, even more so than in the most conservative area or household in the US and the severe impacts the individual would face (from their family and community) if their orientation were to become public (also a common result for many gays in "the west," although I imagine the consequences are less drastic for most).
Fortunately, I was raised in a very accepting household. My Aunt was a lesbian. And my hometown of Oak Park, Illinois, has a very diverse community; racially, religiously, sexually, politically, and fiscally. Throughout high school and college some of my closest friends have been gay. But there are many people in the US and across the globe, who have a much more sheltered life, so I am so thankful to my parents for exposing me to the diversity our world has to offer from the very beginning.
A few weeks ago I went to an all gay birthday party! Bejenin. I was the only heterosexual and the only woman lol. Recently, I also went to a gay bar in Amman. Again, I was one of few women at the establishment, but it did not stop me, nor anyone else for that matter, from droppin' it like it's hot! Hahah.
Again, this is my personal perspective and comes from me residing in Irbid, which is more comparable to the cultural and political trends of a Jordanian village rather than the big city -- Amman, the capital, a much more liberal atmosphere in all aspects.
On cheating and prostitution...I have heard that adultery is quite common. As well as prostitution. Unfortunately, both are popular where I come from too. In fact, in Irbid there is a well known street dedicated to prostitution. The pimp, lets refer to her as the "BIG A," brings women in illegally from Syria to work the streets. Apparently, her activities are well known, even by the authorities, but she goes unpunished because of her big name clients, which we can also attribute to wasta (وَسْطة).
Recently, a friend of mine had to move from his apartment because he discovered a whore house was operating in the basement of his building.
Not trying to act all high and mighty here, considering that prostitution is legal in licensed brothels in Nevada, but I was surprised to know that it is so accessible here in a more conservative society and for cheap too. Apparently, sexual favors are about 5 JD and the real thing is available for about 10 JD.
On my relationships with Jordanian men...Professionally...My relationship with my students is very unique. We are close friends outside the classroom, and teacher-student inside the classroom, although those boundaries do blur more often than I would like. Being the only woman in a classroom and in the workplace for that matter, does have its challenges. This was my reality for my first three months in Jordan, until June when a Peace Corps volunteer, Lydia joined our team. But by that time, I had already established a strong bond with my students.
Because I was living in a foreign country...the only AIESEC intern in my city...and my students and are are so close in age, they became my first and best friends in Jordan. I spent 7 hours a day with them for three months straight. Although, we have drifted away from our initial BFF relationship -- as I have become a stricter educator, made new friends, and had to share my class time with Lydia, we are still very close. I think of them as brothers. And they frequently refer to me as their teacher, friend, and sister.
At times though, I know that the relationship we share is very new for all of them and in many ways viewed as being haram (or forbidden). For example, the Dean of the college thinks that I simply teach my students American dance moves all day!
For them to know a woman who is not their mother or sister, as well as they know me -- since all of my students are not married, I think is new, exciting, and in some ways uncomfortable for them. Also, I am their teacher and they have probably not had a female teacher since grade school. Furthermore, they are not accustomed to having a woman, especially one who is younger than them and a foreigner, hierarchically above them.
Romantically...It is wonderful to have a boyfriend. I have always thought of myself as a relationship person, but believe me I am no expert. Everyday in our relationship is a learning experience and a challenge, but one that I genuinely appreciate and enjoy.
To respect his privacy, I won't go into too much detail about his character. He is Muslim, raised in Jordan, and a native Arabic speaker, although thank god he speaks fluent English, haha -- our language of communication 90% of the time. He is a kind person, loves to joke, very intelligent and passionately dedicated to his work. It's nice to interact so closely with someone who has an entirely different background.
I would say that are biggest problems are communication, expectations (when it comes to relationships), and not spending enough time together. We just have different concepts of what is means to be "dating," and sometimes face issues expressing those opinions constructively.
All in all, I learn so much from him. About Jordan and the middle east, Arabic, and about myself. And that's what relationships are for anyways, right? To grow, to change, to better yourself, and to connect with another person on a deeper level. I got to say, it will be hard to leave him and all the other people I have met throughout my time here.
